Bonfire of the Insanities

One more drink, preferably an Islay single malt or appellation Chateuneuf du Pape and I'm anyone's. And I'm not even that choosey about the booze. Has anybody got any good TV/movie recommendations for while I sober up?

Anyway, cheers. I'd stand up and drink to your health, but I can't.

uber.

I'm on semester break and I'm bored. Work continues to burrow insidiously like a malignant tumour into all the fun parts of life and the absence of intellectual stimulation makes it harder to ignore. A new generation of antidepressants have been released, most of our patients have been withdrawn from Cymbalta either because of night sweats or because they weren't depressed. A new manager, ten times worse than the last has been promoted sideways and we have quite a good manager at the moment. Unfortunately the command structure is forcing him to have a nervous breakdown. I almost wrote breakdance there. Imagine that, a nervous breakdance. You'd be at a job interview flicking nervously through your notes, pulling at your tie and then think: "Ah fuck it," slip off your loafers and start shakin it. Moonwalking, rolling around on your head. Yeah. Uh huh. M.

So, now that I've deposited the requisite ball of bile, on to the fun stuff. I'm kind of a serial TV watcher in between study and I'm always looking for new shows. At the moment I'm watching Jake 2.0, with my son, Eureka, True Blood and Weeds. Recommendations? I like Shameless but I've watched them all. Great.

I read this really interesting thing about war the other day, looking at demographic theories for war. One of them is that in a population pyramid at certain times you end up with an increase in young men without sufficient positions to sustain them, so there tends to be an increase in recruitment for the defence forces/corresponding incidences of military conflict. It's hypothesised that these disproportionate increases (such as following WW1 when a whole generation of men were killed, leaving an abnormally large group of orphaned kids) has lead to some of the biggest conflicts of the 20th and 21st centuries It's called the "youth bulge" theory (I snickered as well). Here's the link. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Youth_bulge#Youth_bulge

It leads you to wonder what else demographics can come up with. What are the sociological consequences for Western societies with an increase in the number of old ladies? Stone fruit shocks after big scone and jam extravaganzas? Irrelevant. There is a big lockout on private hospital beds though. God help you if you have a motorcycle accident and you need rehab.

I wonder whether a youth bulge leads to a corresponding increase in rock and roll. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Anyway, I've got to go. Got practice to do, half a dozen things to solder together and a winter night to be disgruntled about. God bless you all. Each and every one.

I resisted the temptation to blog about Michael Jackson's autopsy. It was a bit of a personal triumph. He kept telling everybody he was bad and I guess the toxicology reports prove that he was at least very very naughty.

So, has anybody got a demonoid invite code by any chance? Could you pm me if you do?

This was so cool, I just had to share it. This guy from Israel took all these obscure dudes playing their instruments in their lounge rooms across the world and mixed them into one funky track.

Anybody know where uncle salty went? I liked him.

Speaking of not having a functioning pan room, I had the grossest experience about a month ago. We had this manic old lady who was giving everybody else the pip but she seemed to like me okay. Anyway, they'd put her on a fairly strong antibiotic because a lot of manic patients get secondary cellulitis in their legs because they don't rest enough. And the antibiotic was making her nauseous. She rang the buzzer, I came into the room and she was pale faced and I could tell she was about to hurl. So I handed her the wastepaper basket, which was lined with a plastic bag and she emptied the contents of her stomach into it. Which was all fine and dandy, an easily containable mess. I went back to the office to grab the key to the non functioning pan room, some latex gloves and another plastic bag so I could double bag the chunder. Then I went back into the room with my colleague, who dry retched, turned white and left the room at the strong smell of vomit, and took the bag.
"Mmph mph mph mm," she said. I couldn't really understand her at first because she didn't seem to have any teeth.
"I'm sorry," I said. "Could you repeat that?"
"I lost my dentures in there," she said.
So I spent a couple of minutes fishing through her bag of vomit looking for her dentures, smiling to myself. I was smiling because I was feeling nauseous myself and I thought "the only way this situation could get more disgusting is if I vomited on top of her vomit and then had to fish the teeth out of double the vomit."

But it turned out I was wrong. I double bagged it and took the spew into the non functioning pan room, trying to get the key out of my pocket with the clean latex glove I had on my left hand. It was a precarious business, but I got the door unlocked. There was no skip for toxic waste, I just had to leave the bag on the floor. The next morning, I handed over to the nurse in charge and the cleaners that there was a bag of vomit in the pan room and please could they dispose of it.

Anyway, two weeks later, I had to go to the pan room for a similar purpose and SURPRISE! The bag of chuck was still sitting there.

That's why engineering is going to be good for me. I like problem solving and I like working with efficient systems. So any engies who might be reading this, particularly if you work with neural networks and AIs, give me a shout out. I'm only at the early stages of my degree, but when I get to the end of it, I'll sure as hell be leaving here.

I just thought if there's anybody still reading, they might be interested to know what I'm doing. I'm currently studying mechatronic engineering and have been singing opera for the last four years. No joke. Engineering is my escape plan.

I'm also trying to sell a manuscript for another author, genre: comic historical romance, word length: 67000 words. If anybody is interested, you can email me at lankyjohn at gmail dot com. It's really witty and good--basically a humorous sequel to PRIDE AND PREJUDICE by Jane Austen. It's written in the style of the George McDonald Fraser FLASHMAN novels and the author (who is a well established romance author) also has a PhD in Classics so the historical details are accurate. It takes place several months after the events of Pride and Prejudice with the youngest daughter, Lydia, as its morally challenged heroine conscripted as a spy against the French. A series of tawdry adventures follow and Lydia ends up in all sorts of unlikely situations, such as the Battle of Borodino in the ill fated Napoleonic invasion of Russia

I'm still sporadically writing myself but I'm so busy, it doesn't amount to much. The book I'm conceiving is called A CURE FOR THE COMMON COLD and it's about a bipolar stockbroker who single handedly brings the world economy back to the neolithic age. It includes a subplot about his son who fakes his own death in order to make his garage band famous. It's fun. You'll like it. If I ever finish it.

And yes, I am still working nights at the same soul sucking hospital. We have reasonably new management at the moment and they're even worse, if possible, than the previous lot. What is it about middle management jobs in this cynical industry? It's like the Defence Against The Dark Arts position in Harry Potter--even if you're good when you start, you've got one year and then you either die or turn into a werewolf.

The other day the unit manager was telling me that ratios for the plastic triangles we use to count the tablets had changed and we'd have to order new ones from the US. Which is clearly an unmitigated, bald-faced lie. On two counts. First, because the triangles are based on Pascal's triangle, which has been around for about 350 years and has been proven countless times by generations of mathematicians as an accurate way of counting cylindral objects (e.g. tablets) stacked in a triangle. Second, because I rang the local pharmacy and they said they had twenty seven in stock and no they hadn't changed the ratios at all and I could have one that afternoon if I wanted one.

It continually amazes me how this guy can deliver these whoppers straight faced. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he told me that the Newtonian concept of gravity was wrong, he'd just heard it on the news and was adjusting hospital policy accordingly. "We will now be admitting incontinent patients, despite the fact that we don't have a functioning pan room, because it has been clinically proven that their faeces will float into the toilet of its own volition. Yes I'm serious. Yes, look it up. It's on Wikipedia."

Check these guys out. Funky D and B outfit from Amsterdam. Garoova. Marc the drummer is a mate--truly inspired player.

http://www.australianit.news.com.au/story/0,24897,24359771-15306,00.html


I wonder if this is just the best marketing strategy Dick Smith has ever come up with.

Leaking home movies obviously rejuvenated Pamela Anderson's and Paris Hilton's careers.

Will there be like fifty guys in your local “Dick Smith” going: "just give me a phone, I don't care what sort as long as it's full of hardcore?"



I just googled Dick Smith’s careers website: http://www.wowcareers.com.au/wowcareers/DickSmithElectronics/Home/



It says:



“Your Career Starts Here!

Here at Dick Smith Electronics, we offer a diverse range of career opportunities across all of our brands, and are now welcoming applications online!

Store Positions

We accept general applications across all of our brands.
Current positions exist in our stores – such as Sales Assistant, Dock Assistant and Administration Assistant.
To apply online for a Store Position, click here."



It only mentions these three positions, but obviously there are many others such as "side saddle cowgirl", “the wheelbarrow” and my personal favourite “the clam.”

Disappointing.

Tarantino schlock.

Like trying to kill a mouse with a fork; gratuitously violent and ultimately a complete waste of time.

I probably gave the wrong impression in the last post. The Penguin UK/US deal is actually off for the memoirs. Cancelled some time ago, no hard feelings just a difference in what both parties wanted out of the project. So not a cause for congrats, although it's always nice to be congratulated, so keep sending them if you like.

I just wanted to put what I had from the last book out there. I'll put out the other chapter next week.

But I have another project cooking, purely fiction this time and I'm getting quite enthused about it. Apart from enthusiasm, I seem to be actually doing some work as well. It's a long way from completion, but I've got some good contacts from the last one.

This is the first two chapters from the Penguin book. There won't be any legal issues--the deal is done.

(edit:
I mean done as in not happening. i.e. contracts negated. I just thought I'd post the two chaps I finished here so as people could read it.)
( chapter one )

http://tiny.cc/uArLb

Funny. Check it out.

Bear Stearns is fading
It was so profitable
But now it is gone.


Add your own.

Hi,

Is there anybody still out there? I'm doing another book and I need to talk to a hedge fund manager. I could do it by email or skype and I just need to find out what it's like to work in a hedge fund in a global credit crunch.

If anybody is still reading this and you know a good stockbroker or hedge fund manager, please help me out.

According to toxicology reports, large amounts of carbon were found in his body. The autopsy also indicated high serum levels of oxycodone, hydrocodone (Vicodin), diazepam, temazepam, doxylamine and Xanax. So an 'accidental overdose' is the formal verdict, but as you can tell, I'm not convinced.

Fortunately for Sanofi-Aventis, who have their own big problems, Ambien is off the hook on Ledger's death--apparently he had used the controversial sleeping pill last year but it didn't work for him.

So could global warming be the cause? It certainly seems to have been responsible for the extinction of all life on Venus and will ultimately, if you believe the media, be responsible for the deaths of every man, woman and child on planet Earth as well.

Sadly one of Australia's favourite actors, Heath Legend died yesterday after a long battle with depression. He was found peacefully asleep (when they say asleep, they mean dead) in his New York appartment yesterday morning. The family says it was an accident, zealots say it was Ambien, although other prescription drugs (antidepressants) and a rolled up twenty were found next to the bed. Ambien (a sleeping tablet) allegedly makes you hoot and fart, paint your walls, raid your fridge, drive fast cars and have wild sex while you're on it. Sound good? See your local doctor before it gets taken off the market.

But more about Heath. Celebrities have been asked to opine and John Travolta was quick to comment. "I thought he was extraordinary and had a depth and ability and a sense of humanity that I've never seen on screen ... I really don't like it at all that he's gone."

Nicole Kidman: "What a terrible tragedy," Kidman said through her publicist Wendy Day.

Mel Gibson: Gibson, who played the actor's father in 'The Patriot', states: "I had such great hope for him. He was just taking off, and to lose his life at such a young age is a tragic loss."

All true of course. Heath Ledger's death sucks. But he made some great movies before he carked and now I'm going to rent them all.